As she shared updates about her life, she beamed with pride at the mention of her recent engagement ceremony. We had briefly bonded in Tanzania years ago because I was just coming out of a relationship and she was in her healing process. That conversation taught me the importance of becoming whole before venturing into the next relationship, or you risk dating the same personality over and over again. In fact, until your brokenness is completely acknowledged and attended to, your self-esteem may always be at stake regardless of how often you try to move on.
Similar issues persisted in each relationship but in the name of love, we always turned a blind eye. It took years to realize that love is simply not enough in romance. In fact, “I love you” has been disguised as control. The fear of losing a loved one solicits unfettered emotions that easily drive two lovers apart. On most occasions, such fear even breeds insecurities.
For romance to work, it takes the evolution of one’s perspective of the now. It takes the self-introspection that it’s not real love when there’s no choice. It takes the emotional maturity that mirroring flaws from past relationships is only detrimental to your shared happiness. It takes active work; just imagine that it was going to snow an inch an hour for the next 24 hours. You could go out every hour with a broom and get rid of the snow. It takes 5 minutes. But when you are sitting indoors for 24 hours, two feet of snow eventually pile up causing you to need a different tool for it.
Unfortunately, most lovers are placing bandages on recurring issues while burying frustrations. And with each tear that drops, the adhesive of the bandage only becomes weaker. At some point, the only tool that can fix the compounded pain is time- time apart. Messy break-ups ensue. You see, romance becomes unhealthy when there’s no mutual respect for feelings and emotions. Respect positions you to recognize strengths and weaknesses, and in turn, give your partner room to bloom into who they are. You’d be surprised to find clarity as to why you have been paired out of the billions of people.
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This message was originally shared on instagram here.